I am not good at video games. Lets get that right out of the way. I am not that guy who can beat the crap out of you in Street Fighter, I am not going to 5 star Through the Fire and Flames anytime soon (see: never), and I will probably finish every game on Medium, then go to hard, then give up and try the multiplayer only to be really bad at it and move onto another game. I like video games because I am a jaded asshole. Some time around 7 years old I really started to get bored with the whole “go to school, play with the wondrous joy only a child can, sleep, repeat” scam they had passed off on me. While eating with my mom at a restaurant I lamented to her how I really wanted something to happen. “Like what?” she asked. I thought about it for a second. “What if Indiana Jones jumped through the window being chased by Nazis and then…” She stopped me there with a quick “Not gonna happen.” My mom sucked.

Anyway, video games are the closest thing to getting something to actually happen. I write about them because in High School and college some people thought I wrote in a semi-interesting way (and, as I’ve stated before, I am not good enough to play them for money (as if anyone is going to pay me to write about them (I will never do the parenthesises in parenthesises again (promise)))). It was always just something I kicked around in the back of my mind, that is until the Joystiq podcast raised me up and made me believe in my own dream. The trick to realizing your dream, as I have learned, is to set your goals very low. So, if there is someone out there who wants me to write piles of things for free, poorly photoshop an image or two for free, or if you live down the street and want to go bowling then drop me a line or comment or something and I will do everything in my power to kiss your ass.