Ludacris is clearly in line to be named “Wordsmith of the Millennium”. Most don’t know about this secretive and oft-coveted award. A small cabal of limerick steeped monks deep in the heart of Ethiopia work non-stop reading every single written word ever taken down or performed and ranking it among all the others. Everything from condom wrappers to you and your first girlfriend’s break up note are ranked by their overall worth and creativity. Then once a millennia the monks emerge from their adobe huts crafted out of OED scraps and announce the recipient of the most selective title in literature. The Wordsmith of the Millennium. There is no way to sway the judges, no ability to enhance your chances, not even a way to communicate with the monks being that they only speak a now impossible to decipher amalgamation of every spoken language to exist now or ever. Last millennia’s winner was Oscar Wilde for his overall collection of plays and absinthe ramblings with an honorable mention going to Ludwig Kietzmann for his astounding work in the his GDC Quest Quiz series (not aided by absinthe).

Now no one really runs for the WotM award but you can sometimes see a potential bid for the title. The front runner in my mind was Avril Lavigne’s Girlfriend. That was until I heard Ludacris’ Norwegian-exclusive Bonus track Press the Start Button from his new album Theater of the Mind. The video is just two repeating images, an irrelevant factoid since as you know all of the Monks of the Word are blind. The lyrics are what matter. After the break I have a line by line breakdown for you to peruse/enjoy.

Into Voice- “This Song it rated M for Mature.”

WG- A cleaver homage to the opening disclaimers for violent video game ads. I am already pulled in and Mr. Bridges isn’t even on the mic.

Luda- <Chorus>Press the Start Button,

Tell these Hos to press the Start Button,

Punch in your code and press the Start Button,

And let the Motherfuckin’ games begin.

For any one of these flows press the Start Button, (yeah)

Tell my Foes to press the Start Button,

For a Ludacris show just press the Start Button,

And let the Motherfuckin’ games begin<Chorus>

WG- First of all I am concerned I put the wrong Ludacris in there, it easily could have been ludicrous. No really overt game references here except to the start screen at the beginning of essentially every game. Don’t worry though, he’s just warming up.

Picture Perfect, I paint a perfect picture,

Eyes low ’cause Igloo rolled the perfect swisha,

WG- Obligatory weed reference.

Hit you with the weaponry tell soldiers to back down,

I’m Raw like WE <sic> you get Smackdown,

WG- A shaky start for the video game references. First he splits the title, then he drops a “W”. I can understand that one being hard to work in, but when you really think about it why even bother? I would have gone with Fight Night instead. That’s just me though, you’re the millionaire. Continue.

How you want it, I’ll clobber my opponents like Blanka

Boy you’re Street Fightin’ with a monster,

WG- See that, give him a chance and he bounces right back. First he chooses a premium series for the 2D fighting game genre, then he displays an actual knowledge of the game itself. He is a monster like Blanka, the single most monstrous character of the first 2 games. Good show Luda, rap on.

A-Town mobster blowin’ smoke like Rastas,

Pullin’ out guns like in Contra,

WG- There is more truth to this then you know. Ludacris’ ability to absorb large floating icons with letters on them and then acquire a gun coinciding with that letter is well documented. Also, obligatory weed reference.

More toys then Tonka, I’m a motherfuckin’ problem (oblem),

It’s Grand Theft Auto his burner’s right beside him,

WG- The Urban Dictionary’s entry for burner is sketchy, referring to either a gun (as in heater, heat, or to get burned), or a prepaid cell phone that drug dealers and hit men use to arrange deals then get rid of them so they cannot be traced. I prefer the latter definition since it seems to imply that the “him” is Niko Bellic with his cell going off every 20 seconds.

Hollow point headed to your dome,

Hollow point headed to your home,

Your head of lead will be shredded by the chrome,

WG- A concession. This part has, as far as I can tell, nothing to do with video games. Then again, I can’t decipher the last line at all. I think it’s “shredding” but it also could be “extending” sort of. I really need to practice my hip hop lyric transcription.

It’s Ludacris, parents think I’m a weirdo,

I’m a God of War you’re a Guitar Hero,

WG- Two references in one line! Still, with quantity, quality lowers. Is he giving us, the listener, a compliment or is “Guitar Hero” degrading in the hood? Urban Dictionary didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. I guess we’ll never get the straight beef on this one.

So let’s box like Tyson you’ll get Punch’d Out!!,

Welcome to Luda’s World now bring the blunts out.

WG- I left these lines as is though there are some implied but left out words. Listening makes it all sort of fall into place. Also, is this a Bobby’s World reference? Howie Mandel must be fucking psyched!

<chorus>

I’m Liver than NBA, Luda’s super like Mario,

PlayStation 4 shit, you’re older than Atari ho,

WG- 4 separate references in one couplet. This is clearly the apex of the song, pulling out all the heavy hitters. Mario, PlayStation, Atari, all you need is a certain blue insectivore and you’d have covered all the bases.

Flows that will make MCs go like Diego,

WG- Adding credence to my previous suspicions that Ludacris is a children’s cartoon fiend we have this line, a reference to the Dora the Explorer spin-off Go, Diego, Go!. He was definitely talking about Bobby’s World.

Call me the Master Chief my life is like Halo,

Fightin’ off the haters I’m the best ask Khaled [Edit: I guess he's a DJ],

WG-The references are coming fast now, try to keep up. Is Luda’s life like Halo? Is he really fighting off haters to such an extent that you might confuse it with finishing the fight? Do haters regularly refer to Luda as the Demon and flee when their largest and strongest gang member is beaten? All these questions are to be addressed to Kali (or Cali, I really don’t know).

I’m at the Call of Duty plus my Metal Gear’s Solid,

My resident is evil full of south side riders,

WG- He’s reaching. How are you at the call of duty? Is that a place? I don’t think so. Then the Metal Gear Solid reference comes and goes without a “Solid Snake as penis” joke. Plus, I listened to this about 4 times to make sure that it is “resident is evil” and not “residence evil”. How can your resident be full of a motorcycle club? Now, your residence could be, sure, but that’s not what’s being spat.

I hoped you packed man I’ve got 6 Virtua Fighters,

That’ll blitz[Edit- Thanks sickNasty] you like Madden ’09,

WG- I am nearly sure “packed man” is meant to be a homophone for PACMAN. Freakin’ awesome. Then he goes a screws it up by saying he’s got 6 Virtua Fighters. There have only been 5 numbered Virtua Fighters released, unless you count Evolution, but that was just VF4 with 2 new characters. And what the hell does “split you like Madden ’09” even mean? Shouldn’t it be “release another derivative sequel instead of just updating the roasters online like Madden ’09” instead? I guess that doesn’t fit.

While hit you with the mac and 4 nines,

And l later sit back and blow pines,

WG- Obligatory weed reference.

Like it’s something to do, it ain’t pretty,

The Final Fantasy is they think they live in SimCity,

WG- Wait, what? Who’s “they”? You are referring yourself laying back a blowing pines like it’s something to do that isn’t pretty. Are you “they” Ludacris? Is your final fantasy going to be that you live in a 1989 game developed by Will Wright?

But I’m a MechWarrior try me and I’ll damage ya,

Holding the Soul Calibur or shoot you like Galaga,

WG- My favorite couplet involving weapons he will damage ya with. Presumably shooting you like Galaga means you can only fire two bullets at one time.

Here my creed assasins ya, so clear the room,

WG- I have no idea what this means. I even tried switching the “here” with “hear” but it doens’t help. I know he’s trying to bring up Assassin’s Creed but he uses assassins as a verb. “I’ll have my boys assassins ya.” No.

Before the shotgun helps you meet your Ultimate Doom.

WG- [Edit- I missed this one the first time through. I was to caught up with gun music and the streets I didn't even give pause to this line. Macs and Nines are bandied about so freely, sometimes a shotgun gets lost in the shuffle. Thanks to the comments]

<Chorus>

Whether 25 thousand or 25 mil,

Survival of the fittest either kill or be killed,

Gets your game on player gets your game on, what,

Gets your game on player gets your game on,

Doesn’t matter if it’s 25 bricks or 25 bucks,

Survival of the fittest either stick or get stuck,

WG- I want to say this is a subtle reference to grenade sticking in Gears of War, but I really can’t say that with an certainty since the whole last minute of the song seems to be about nothing video game related. Well, maybe Big Buck Hunter and Breakout but that’s really stretching.

Gets your game on player gets your game on, (what)

Gets your game on player gets your game on.

<Chorus> Biatch!

Source: Koalition by way of Kotaku